I JUST WANT TO GET OUTTA THE DAMN HOUSE



Keep in mind that I am old enough to remember things that happened thirty-plus years ago. I know, it scares the hell out of me too. I can remember a time when all that was required to leave the house to go somewhere was to get dressed and grab your wallet and car keys and you were, for all intents and purposes, out the door, as they say. While out at Colemen's last night with some people, we were talking about Bill's new I-POD and how cool it was to have all your music in digital form and reside on a device small enough to loose between the couch cushions and expensive enough to skip your car payment this month. Don't get me wrong. Technology is a wonderful thing and, in my very informed opinion, will be the cause of all kinds of human uprising in about 50 years. Yes, I have time-traveled and I know that humans from all walks of life will rise up and ultimately reject all forms of technology reverting to making their own music with two sticks and a deer skin stretched across a hollow log.

Let’s get back to my point. I hate interruptions. When I was old enough to buy beer and had the means to do so, I would first, run out of beer, then go to the front door, reach to the left, pick up my wallet and keys and exit the residence, moving toward the car. The total time between the decision to buy beer and actually being in the car going to get beer was 45 seconds, maximum.

The scenario in today’s technological world plays out much, much differently and requires more thought than 15 years ago. Now, after running out of beer, the first item on the list of things required to get out the door and on your way is booting the computer. You need the computer so you log in to your checking account to make sure you have enough money to even buy beer. After electronically transferring $30 from your savings to checking, you swing around and grab the pirated MP3 CD that you burned the night before only to realize that the CD recording session didn’t finalize. So, you browse you’re My Music folder and re-burn the CD. Hey, you need God Smack for the three-minute trip to Nice-N-Easy. Time check: 20 minutes in. Proceeding with CD in hand, you stop at the kitchen to grab your cell phone, which is supposed to be on the charger overnight. After locating the cell phone in your jacket pocket, you notice two voice mails that you promptly listen to and then delete or re-listen to, then delete. The cell phone is needed in case you need to call someone on the way to tell him or her that you are finally in the car going to buy beer. Now you are ready to find the digital camera that you need in case something unusual happens on this trip that you may want to snap a picture of and add to a blog later. Now your ready! Time check: 42 minutes in. Car keys with FOB, MP3 CD, cell phone, debit card, digital camera and the grocery list that Millisa gave me because she had plenty of time to take an inventory and realize that you were running out to buy beer. Well, back to the computer we go… I need to transfer more funds.