Cashin' in on Deep Throat (ChaChing)

June 1972. The second in command of the FBI has a little secret. No, it is not the advance knowledge of the newest Foster Grant styles for 1973. Or is it that the Middle East is about to choke the oil loving shit out of us. The anonymous man’s little secret has the potential to bring down a President and eventually did, along with all the President’s men. He tells his tales to The Washing Post’s Woodward and Bernstein who write article after article exposing the truths of a corrupt White House. For that they call him Deep Throat.

June 2005. A spokesperson and attorney for the family of a 91 year-old man living with his daughter in California, writes a story for Vanity Fair that just happens to reveal the true identity of Deep Throat as W. Mark Felt, the old man in California. Amazing!

Who cares, really? Did we care in 1972? We sure did! It was breaking news that enveloped the country for over two years and changed history forever! The Watergate Hotel would have been torn down years ago if not for this once powerful, now failing old man in California. During the early seventies he was privy to scandals and cover ups that never made it to the public eye, let alone bring down a President. So why come forward now? Why spill your guts to your lawyer that is writing a column for a make-up and fashion magazine? Those two loons from The Washington Post promised never to reveal their sources, and haven’t, as far as we know. Hell, Pat Buchanan admitted just this morning on the Today Show that he has known the identity of Deep Throat for years and never said anything. Ronald Reagan even pardoned the man in 1981 for other illegal “behind the scenes” type operations and never mentioned that this guy knew some shit. So why blow your wad 30 plus years after the fact. Is it the money? No way. Not money. Not the stuff of which dreams are made. It must be something else. No – it’s money. You see, Mr. Felt’s grandson needs to pay for college and it is up to ‘ol Deep Throat to foot the bill. Millions of dollars have been made on the portrayal of Deep Throat in articles, books and a feature film starring Paul Newman. Did poor old DT get a dime? Notta. So it makes perfect sense that he would want to cash in. That's the ONLY reason the truth is coming out now. $$$$. Now you wonder why the hell it took so long. Maybe he went broke paying off all the people who knew his true identity and now he needs the money to buy Depends. I thought Pat Buchanan had a nice suit on.

I can't wait to see Elvis again. He'll rake it in.

Chowder